The Limits of Friendship
Annotated page from Konnikova
Critical reading question 2
For me, what I think makes a good friend is someone who you can trust with any information you have. You also should feel comfortable with your friend. Konnikova argues that social media can’t replicate the feeling of being with someone. In the essay she states “ until social media can replicate that touch, it can’t fully replicate social bonding”( Konnikova 258.) This quote speaks so loud because it’s true. You simply cannot get the same feelings on social media that you get when you’re with this person. So I believe to have a true friendship you have to be able to bond with them in person not just over the phone.
Unfollow
Questions for critical reading
- I think the larger argument within this piece is that not everything is set in stone. Your beliefs can and will change if you are an open minded person. When you are a closed minded person you aren’t open to the idea of change. Chen goes through the life of Megan at the church and shows certain areas where she is open to change. Like when her mother was laughing at the image of a malnourished child she realized the wrong her mother was in. Also she knew her worth, when the church began making only males superior she understood this was not correct. “It stopped feeling like this larger than life divine institution ordained and led by god, and more like the sniping and sordid activity of men who wanted to be in control”(chen 85).
- I believe how Megan was brought up was a large idea within this piece. She grew up within a toxic environment where she could shape her own beliefs and they were simply pushed into her face. When you grow up you dont know better. “Obedience was one of the most important values that shirley instilled in megan.”(chen 76) This shows how her parents pushed her into a corner and wanted her to be like them. Megan did know the difference between human feelings and acts of god.
- What I believe changed the belief system of Megan was the people she met through social media. Megan grew up within a toxic environment where she learned to only love men from her own church. This would later be a problem because most people in her church are her family. Through her twitter account Megan was able to meet Abitol who would playfully banter with her over social media. Their relationship challenged the beliefs of Megan. Later on in her life when she finally escaped the holds of the Westboro Baptist Church she went on to speak at the Jewish festivals the Abitol was associated with. She not only gained a relationship with Abitol but she also connected with C.G. on a personal level. He had Megan questioning things about men and relationships. Feelings began to develop and she had to get out of their relationship, fast. She knew being with a man outside of the church wasn’t allowed so she felt cutting him off was the best option for her. Megan stated, “he seemed to genuinely like people and care about people, and that resonated with me”(Chen 83). This relationship which happened through social media had made me realize how interacting with C.G showed Megan that it’s possible to feel more than hatred. The people around her don’t give her room to explore her own beliefs and feelings. The outlet of twitter gave her opportunities to learn and grow. Megan even said, “ I was terrified of even thinking of guys… it’s not just the physical stuff that can get you in trouble.” (Chen 84). This sent a spiral of thoughts that consisted of “this isn’t healthy.” Social media can be unhealthy at times but it also showed Megan it’s ok to think of being in a relationship. relationships made can truly change someone’s life. I believe many other factors were involved in her changing her ways but i think this could be shown as one of the big factors.
They Say I Say
The Empathy Diaries
Question 1:Within the empathy diaries Turkle talks about how we try to find ways around talking face to face with someone. During a study at a middle school they discovered that they aren’t developing how to relate/listen/learn how to look at eachother and hear each other. Within old conversation empathy was taught. You engage with the person with you and listen and react to what they say. Kids begin to shy away from conversations because their parents dont engage them in conversations. People find having a conversation too much work, it’s easier just texting. There are discoveries that we get a neurochemical high from connecting. When having conversations, that’s where you develop empathy. Without conversations you lose this and can’t process others emotions. Conversations advance self reflection. So many positives come out of conversing with people and not using technology for everything.
Question 2: Within this piece Turkle explains how social media is ruining our ability to have conversations. Kids are not growing up having the same opportunities they used to have with social skills. We now have social media where everything can be done easily. Technology definitely does have impacts on how we socialize and our abilities. In this passage she says “ We are being silenced by our technologies in a way “cured of talking.” I agree. During covid times all we had was social media and technology. I felt safe being able to easily leave a zoom call if I wanted to. I could do everything without having to do that hard part of facing people. In a way I believe covid ruined some social abilities I had. It was harder to start conversations and step out of my comfort zone. If this only happened to me within such a short time, imagine what it will do to kids growing up like this. People (myself included) become panicked without their phone. A study done where people were in a room just sitting for 15 minutes and just sitting quietly. People become uncomfortable with their thoughts. They were even asked if they would do electroshock and towards the end people were considering. “We are so accustomed to always being connected that being alone seems like a problem technology should solve.” technology enables communication and it also encourages a flight from conversation.
question 2: Empalthy is the ability to process other emotions as well as your own. It consists of sharing your feelings with others and receiving others’ feelings. Through conversation we discover the capacity of empathy. We experience the joy of being heard and understood. The image I am using represents what empathy is. It’s understanding and relating experiences to others. The brain is merging into the other persons as a way of understanding.
This Is Water
Within david foster wallaces “this is water” he covers a lot of topics. ONe of the main topics talked about within the piece was self centeredness. I never really could grasp how much people are self centered. David Foster Wallace talked about how we think the world is centered around us. In our minds we are at the center of every problem. If you think about it, it’s true. You thought are the only ones you can hear and manage. It’s only your ideas and thoughts that you think of. Wallace starts talking about how our brains have these sort of default settings. A human’s default setting is “everything is about me” and it’s hard to admit this but it’s true. The experiences that happen are yours, things in front of you You see. He also brings in examples to show you that perspective is a huge part of realizing your default setting. You picture yourself driving on the highway and someone cuts you off. You get angry and mad because they cut You off. But you don’t get to see the perspective from the other car which cut you off. That car could be speeding to the hospital because their child is very sick and needs medical attention. And when you are in your car you don’t get to witness what is happening within the other car. You think, “what the heck” that was not ok for them to do that but they need to get somewhere fast. Because our mind is in this setting we obviously only can think about ourselves and it’s hard to understand that not everything can be about you. And another part is in the supermarket line and you’re annoyed because it’s going so slow, you probably aren’t the only one thinking this. Everyone around you is probably annoyed with what is happening. But you only see your point of view and hear your own thoughts, not everyone else’s.
Group discussion
Within our group we dug into the meaning of “this is water.” I explained what I thought this speech was about. I think that the speech is about how he wants to show how getting an education can make you think outside of your default setting. We all agreed how the fish analogy helped us understand this piece. The example is that when fish are asked what water is they don’t know. Yet this is the constant thing that keeps them alive. Carena brought some good ideas about how he only brings in hypotheticals and not experiences. They aren’t experiencing these hard times because they came from higher powers than the examples shown. I do agree with David Foster wallace. Wallace wants people to be aware and accept awareness.
Bad Feminist
A feminist to me is someone who believe women should be seen as equal to men and there should be no higher power for genders. Equal opportunities for everyone. Gay explains how she believes she is a bad feminst “im the kind of feminist who is appaled by the phrase “legitimate rape” I do not her her as a bad feminist though. She would rather be a bad feminst then no feminsist at all. There shouldn’t be a wrong way as a feminst.
Essential feminism “the notion that there are right and wrong ways to be a feminst and there are consequences for doing the feminince wrong” the problems created are that people believe its bad to have any other thought besides feminism. She talks about male gaze and falling for it people can feel they are bad. This is a wrong thought. There should not be a set definition.
I think that being a bad feminst doesn’t exist. If you count yourself as one then we all should believe in equal rights. We do not need to make it any deeper than that. If everyone believes in equality they can be seen as a feminist in a way.
My Son The Fashion Prince
November 1st homework
Growing up you start to learn what it’s like to be a man, Abe was fortunate to grow up differently with parents who support his love of fashion. The challenges that come with simply being yourself, for Abe, seemed like it would be a lot more difficult for a little boy. Abe understood this would happen, he knew he was different from all the other boys at his school, and he didn’t care. When the bullying started “ But he did not back down; he doubled down”(Chabon 66). Abe stuck with his fashion because it’s something he truly loves. The dad talks about how he was questioned why he was doing this whole fashion thing. The reason was because he truly loves fashion. “Abe was just a kid who loved clothes. He loved talking about them, looking at them, and wearing them.” (64) This whole thing is important to him. He loved going to the fashion shows and getting noticed. He also had a small influence on some of the kids at school. They started wearing fedoras after him. Being different for Abe was a negative thing, he flipped that role and made it a positive thing. Being different meant you were being seen and noticed “was a degree of comfort he felt with being different. Everybody wants to stand out from the crowd, but so few of us have the knack, and fewer still the stomach for bearing up under the crush of conformity”(Chabon 64).
I believe a huge part of Abe sticking with fashion and not being embarrassed has to do with his dad. At first he was confused why Abe loved clothes so much and how he understood the meaning of them so well. A quote that really shows the loves his father has for him is “and in time I came to understand the nature of my job as a father of this sartorial wild child: I didn’t need to fathom abe or his stylistic impulses; I needed only to let him go where they took him and, for as long as he needed me, to follow along behind him” (Chabon 66).While at the fashion shows in paris the dad was abe’s watcher for that time. He would attend the fashion shows with him because Abe was still only a little kid. The one fashion show he didn’t attend with his son was Abe’s favorite. He enjoyed it because he didn’t have to worry about explaining things to his father or hoping he enjoys it. The dad understood this and will still choose to support his son even if he won’t be on the sidelines with him. “ I realized that the reason he’d had such a great time that night was because I had not been present. I had not been his father or his friend”(Chabon 70).
All of these aspects go into why Abe is ok with being different. He is able to find good in situations that others would not see the good in. He knows he stands out,but that’s his favorite part. He may not be like most kids but She doesn’t want to be.
Why Nice Guys Finish Last
November 7th HOMEWORK
Questions for critical thinking #3-
When thinking about the cultural expectation of men I like to think of men having respect for women. I like to believe they see women as equal to men and deserve the same respect. But when you are told to think of what a man is you resort to, super masculine. When I grew up I definitely stereotyped men. I learned that men shouldnt crying because that is a sign of weakness, but women crying is ok. As I started growing up I was able to recognize my mindset of men was completely wrong. Reading this essay definitely introduced me to some ideas I never really thought about and explained what men are feeling. Throughout the essay you learn men become “assholes” a lot of the time because that is what women want. It was introduced that the way to win over a girl is to be sexually aggressive and assert your dominance. Growing up you see all around women choose the asshole guy instead of the nice guy who actually respects her. This choice of women choosing bad guys, has a negative impact on the men who are truly nice to women. Serano gave a great example of the guy named Eric who lived close to serano. He was a nice guy turned bad to get with women. (He was a nice guy for most of his life until about the age of twenty,-well after his sex drive kicked in”(Serano 348). This example showed it isn’t a man’s nature to disrespect women, but if you want women you might need to be an asshole. I do believe some men are obvilousy messed in the brain and think its ok to rape. But in this case he just fell into the trap of an asshole and didn’t come back. “Nice guys who refuse to play the role of sexual aggressor typically fail to attract female attention”(Serano 347).
Questions for connecting #1- This question is definitely harder to imagine and think about and put pieces together. Chabon shows Abe as being unapologetically himself, and him being proud of this. Within this essay it is shown how being yourself sometimes doesn’t work out the way you want. Being yourself in chabons is feeling a type of freedom of doing you something you love and enjoy, I dont really think rape culture has much to do with that essay. Abe will most likely grow up in the same shoes as serano simply because I feel his fashion will make him less scary for women. I believe women will confide in him in a way.
Shitty First Drafts
Shitty first drafts questions
- What I think she means in this is that not everyone has perfect drafts when starting. You have to go through the rough patches. People don’t just sit down and write their paper perfectly in one take. They sit, write, delete, write more and only end up loving the very last sentence of the very last paragraph. They are supposed to be messy.
- Maybe because it’s hard to trust the process when you know it’s going to bed. You so badly want your writing to just work out perfectly the first time, but that’s not how that really works. So she tries to trust the process more or less.
- I believe she thinks of the process being more important. She talked about how you could only end up liking just a single sentence out of your first draft. But from there you can go back and fix everything. Getting stuff down on paper is the important thing.
self reflection essay 2-Our project 2 paper was about the same level of difficulty as the first paper we wrote. I didn’t feel that the subject matter was any more difficult for me to write. I really enjoyed learning more about empathy from this paper. The first paper was about how social media can affect people which ties into the second paper which helped me write it. Writing the first paper gave me a leg up on some of the ideas within the second paper;. What was hard about this essay was the Naysayer and Barclay paragraphs. It was definitely hard to write the opposing argument because I didn’t really know what it was or what it would be. I did lose some points on those paragraphs but i expected that. I made a lot of little mistakes which took some points off, I made some mistakes i madew within the first paper we wrote
